In 2013, I had the honor of being interviewed by Dr. Angela Lewis, a Sociologist in Australia and author of the book entitled My Other Self, because of the uniqueness of my relationship design. The interview took place while I was in a Triad, but that relationship dissolved. Dr. Lewis has a wonderful way about her and she was quite fun to work with on this project.
Edited to update from Dr. Lewis’ website:
Q: Thank you for taking the time to share your life in this interview. Firstly, call you tell us a little about your current relationship with K and DB?
A: I have taken aspects from several relationship structures to form a relationship dynamic that works perfectly for us. I know it is a mouthful, which is why I use the term “Female-Centric Relationship.” We have a sensual, erotic, loving, mutually beneficial relationship, best described as a Closed, Female-Centric, Consensual Power Exchange, Contemporary Cuckoldry Triad Dynamic with the following aspects:
- Emotional Monogamy between MM and K
- Sexual inclusion within the Triad only
- Loving Domestic Discipline
- Active and Passive Contemporary Cuckoldry
- Male Fidelity, Chastity, and Orgasm Control for K
- Flexible boundaries for male-male sexual exploration between DB and K
To put it in non-technical language, the relationship I have is a closed, Contemporary Cuckolding Triad. In other words, DB, K, and I are sexually and emotionally exclusive within our relationship. We do not have sex with people outside our relationship. My sex life with DB is with the full knowledge, encouragement, support, and approval of K. DB is supportive of and respectful towards my relationship with K. Although they are still just getting to know one another, K and DB are friends who happen to enjoy pleasing the same woman, namely me, in different ways. I also enjoy pushing their heteroflexible boundaries. DB and I choose not to have sex with other people, without any input from K, because we would like to progress toward fluid-bonding and we take the risk of infection through unprotected sex seriously.
Our Triad is Female-Centric and Female-Dominated because it is what works best for both of us. Since I am the common denominator and the most dominant of the Triad, the men follow my lead. It is simple when you live it, but it can be quite complex when you try to explain it or understand it as an outsider observing how we interact. In fact, I am sure I lost a few people just with that explanation.
Q: You speak openly about a preference for female led relationships (alongside a choice to have a polyamorous Triad with your cuck and bull). Can you explain, for those who may not be as familiar with FLR, what a preference for female led relationships actually means – both in a general sense and to you personally?
A: Well, yes, I speak openly about preferring female-led relationships in general, but I do not fall into the guidelines of a Female-Led Relationship as defined by those who have a traditional FLR, so I do not want to confuse anyone. What we have as a Triad is not polyamory either because I am emotionally monogamous with K. I have a certain fondness for DB, but my relationship with DB is closer to a really deep friendship than a romantic, love-based relationship, like I have with K. DB serves to enhance my relationship with K; K does not serve to enhance a relationship with DB, though he does enhance my sexual experiences with DB.
A Female-Led Relationship, in the general sense, is any relationship in which the female is the head of household. [Edited to exclude AboutFLR.com from the original interview. See why here.] I am a firm believer in personalization, rather than generalization when it comes to relationships of any type.
Q: Tell us a little about how you discovered your preference for female led relationships, what made it such a good match for you, and at what age you remember this being?
A: I have always been a bossy girl, even from a young age, according to my mother. I remember my first interaction with a boy I found attractive. I was bossy then, too. I was five and it was my first day of kindergarten. I tell the story on my blog. I guess that was when I realized I liked being in charge. I’ve never been one to take direction well — unless it’s something that suits my needs and wants as well — so I guess you could say being the leader in a relationship isn’t so much a “match for” me as it is a part of me. With very few exceptions, all of which ended badly, I have always been in the lead in my relationships.
Q: How did you and K arrive at a cuckolding relationship?
A: Fortunately, we did not have to go through a seemingly hopeless endeavor to introduce cuckoldry into a relationship after the fact, as so many people try to do. K and I arrived at the conclusion that we both wanted a cuckold relationship before we met two years ago. We also met under a set of circumstances that allowed that conversation, among other difficult ones, to happen early on in our “getting to know you” period. Once that topic was broached, it was merely a matter of working out the details of what we each needed and wanted in our relationship, as well as what we abhorred in past relationships. From there it was easy to know we were making the right decision, not just individually, but as a new couple. Thankfully, that open communication has continued on a daily basis.
Q: What were some of the motivations behind introducing male chastity into your relationship with K?
A: Male chastity, for K and me, would exist without any of the other aspects of our relationship because it is something we enjoy together. We use male chastity as a way to enhance the intimacy in our relationship. Even some of the most mainstream people I know use male chastity for intimacy enhancement. K is a self-proclaimed horn-dog and he has access to some of the most beautiful women in the world because of his career.
Without chastity, he would be humping everything in sight. He knows this and I know this. In fact, his infidelity was what caused many problems in his past relationships and he told me as much well before we decided to start dating. He told me that he wanted his relationship with me to be different; that he wanted to be faithful to me and to make me happy; that my happiness was his top priority and he would be happier in our relationship if he put me first. We knew before we went any further into discussing a possible relationship and regardless of the mechanics of the rest of the relationship, chastity was going to be mandatory to help us stay healthy as a couple, but also to help K change some unhealthy, lifelong habits.
Beyond the necessity of it for the benefit of our relationship, chastity play is fun for us. We enjoy the tease and denial that is a part of male chastity play, but we also have a better sex life because of it. K focuses solely on my orgasms because I am in charge of his. Unlike some people who participate in male chastity, I do not tell K when I am going to release him from his cage again, so he never knows when I will allow him to have an orgasm. He does not focus on that goal. His goal is to bring me as much pleasure as possible, for as long as possible, without distraction by his penis or his orgasms.
However, when I do permit him to have an orgasm, they are far more intense than he has experienced before and each one is different somehow, which is great for both of us. That way, I can enjoy his orgasms just as much as he does, no matter how they happen. How many couples can truly say that, especially in a long-term relationship? Some of the more practical benefits chastity brings to our relationship include an increase in the following: attentiveness, tenderness, affection, romance, chivalry, communication, self-awareness, partner-awareness, devotion, concentration on responsibilities, passion, drive to live a healthier lifestyle overall, physical fitness, and self-knowledge.
Q: Can you tell us a little about your motivation in introducing both domestic discipline and anal training into the relationship with your cuck? For example, I’m wondering where this fits into the cuckold dynamic of your relationship – if at all?
A: Anal training and loving domestic discipline are very much a part of our contemporary cuckold dynamic, but they are not required for all cuckold relationships. For K and me, these, as well as the other aspects mentioned in my answer to your first question, are simply facets of our ideal relationship—things that work for us because of who we are and what our needs and wants in a relationship are.
Loving domestic discipline is corporal punishment done for the benefit of the relationship. For K, LDD keeps him in a submissive mindset with me and in integrity overall. It also acts as a means for me to express my frustrations with negative behaviors K displays. It keeps our level of communication open and clear of all resentment, anger, fear, jealousy, or withheld emotions. Unlike some forms of domestic discipline, ours does not include forced sexual intercourse. However, it does include a ton of aftercare, such as cuddling, kissing, caressing, and telling one another how much we care about each other and how much we value our relationship. Some of our best conversations have come after LDD.
Anal training comes in several forms, and for several reasons, for K. Presently, aside from plain, warm water enemas before any anal play, we use the Klystra anal dilator kit to help him become more comfortable and stretch the tissue so he is less likely to experience complications. The reasons I have him stretching his rectal tissue are:
- to prevent fissures, hemorrhoids, and other medical issues from cropping up
- to make him more comfortable, should I have the desire to peg him (penetrate him with a strap-on) or milk his prostate to prevent him from becoming backed up or suffering from reduced ejaculatory fluid, which can happen with long-term chastity (anything over 30 days)
- to make it easier for him to be penetrated by DB, should I choose to have them play together
Unlike many traditional cuckold couples or hotwife couples, I enjoy having a healthy and varied sex life with K, which includes cuckolding him. Pegging, or having anal sex with him by using a strap-on dildo, is just another form of lovemaking for us. It is a way for us to be close and sexually intimate without reducing the benefits we experience from keeping K in chastity. Besides, it is fun!
Q: You share a lot of yourself on your blog regarding your personal likes and interests and have done for many years. I know from reading your blog that certain members of your family are aware of your relationship even if they don’t know the specifics. How do you juggle things to protect your privacy while still being in the public domain?
A: I am not worried about anyone in my life finding out about my relationship because I see nothing wrong with what I am doing with two other consenting adults. As readers of my blog would know, I am the mother of a teenager and what I choose to tell him is appropriate to the stages of his life. What he knows about my relationship with K is that we are happy, healthy, supportive of one another, and devoted to one another. To protect DB’s and K’s careers, we keep our private life discrete around our respective families and friends. This is easy to do as we all live separately: I have an apartment, K has his own house, and DB has a condominium. Since we do not live together, my choice is simple,—I take my sex life elsewhere. Trusted family members who are aware of the relationship know they can ask anything they want to about my relationship with K, but generally have no interest in the specifics. The only concern of those who love me and know me well is that I am being treated well and that I am happy and healthy, which I am. Those who I am close with are content with the fact that I am happier now than I ever have been. I am not close with the majority of my family for reasons unrelated to my relationship with K or my life as it is now, so I do not know, nor do I care, what they think of my life.
Q: How different are K and DB as people, e.g. in their background, in lifestyle, in personality? Or do they share similarities?
A: They are vastly different in backgrounds, lifestyles, and personalities, which makes them who they are, but they do share some similarities, which helps us all get along in a Triad. A couple of their similarities are the fact that they are well-mannered, intelligent, professional, caring, thoughtful men who appreciate the value of a good woman. Neither one of them is jealous, nor possessive. They both believe in clear, honest, open communication.
Their differences vary greatly from the way they look to what foods they like to eat. The first thing most people will notice about them is that there is nearly a 20-year age difference between them, with me in the middle. They both enjoy cultural events but have varying tastes in music. DB loves Baroque opera, while K loves country music, jazz fusion, as well as other pop culture genres.
Their style of dress, the way they wear their hair, and how they carry themselves is different. Their way of communicating is very different, too, which you will be able to see through their writing on the blog in the coming weeks. DB is sensitive and tends to run away from confrontation, or the perceived threat of confrontation when he thinks he will be hurt emotionally. K hates confrontation, but he will move toward it to move through it, even if it means he, unintentionally, might hurt the ones he loves most in the process, because he has faith that something better waits on the other side and that those who mean the most to him will be right there with him.
The more I think about it, the more I appreciate their differences. I also enjoy their similarities, but I think I would be bored if they were too similar. What would be the point of having a doppelganger for either one?
One thing I will tell you to show how they differ as pertains to my interaction with them is the way I feel about kissing each of them. I love kissing K. I could kiss him all day just for the sake of kissing him. I pour my emotion into every passionate exchange with K because, to me, kissing is an intimate, emotion-driven act. Kissing K is an experience in itself and it does not have to be a part of another act or a lead-in to something more.
I rarely kiss my Bulls in general for this reason: kissing is an emotional intimacy, baring of one’s soul, breathing in of one’s life force, an exchange of the deepest and most vulnerable energy a human possesses. For me, that privilege does not belong to a Bull; it belongs to a mate. Kissing is romantic and romance belongs to my cuck, to K. However, I could see myself kissing DB as a part of another act, because I feel passionate about something he is doing with, or to, my body or because of a moment we share while we are having fun leading up to something sexual. To put it simply, kissing K is a passion-driven act; whereas, kissing DB would be a passion-induced act.
Q: You love sushi, horseback riding, and Jack Daniels – amongst other things. Tell us something about yourself that you haven’t already shared on your website.
A: I try to live my life in integrity and always present an honest and open view of myself. I am genuine and there isn’t much I don’t divulge on my website, other than things that the general public shouldn’t know anyway or things that might violate someone’s trust and confidentiality. In fact, over this next year or so, I am going to be divulging much more of my private life on my website, with the help of DB. For me to share something that is not on my website is challenging because I am the same person online as I am offline. I guess that is why people feel comfortable with me almost immediately after meeting me, and they feel as though they have known me for years after talking to me for only a short while. As I say in the quote on my website, “I am, in a word, multifaceted, but I am always simply me.”
Q: While you are still a young woman if you had the chance to speak frankly to the 16-year-old you, what advice would you give her for leading her life going forward?
A: I would tell any 16-year-old, male or female, but especially the 16-year-old me: Be true to yourself. Peer pressure is a wretched thing to live through, but you live through it. If you value something about yourself, do not give that up simply because someone else tells you to do so. When anyone tells you that you cannot do something, remember, they are speaking from within the boundaries of their own limitations. Believe in yourself, in your own truth, in your own happiness, and follow your own path. You will waste less time in your adulthood “trying to find yourself.” More importantly, you will respect yourself for it, you will suffer less because of it, and you will find a career path you enjoy, as well as lasting friendships and relationships because you will be a stable, confident person in the eyes of all whom you meet and that is a rare find these days.